Positive Conversations

I mentioned in the book "Comfortable In My Shoes" that you have the power to steer conversations to a positive outcome for you and the person you are conversing with.

Thing is - I am noticing that there are a couple reasons why someone resorts to negativity when they communicate.

A. They are insecure with their situation or themselves - therefore the Negative thing is easy to communicate. They feel infurior and start out with something like "wow, doesn't the traffic suck?" Its an attempt at a conversation starter.

B. They actually have a hard time seeing bright spots in their circumstances.

C. They just have a all together negative outlook on life in general.

Circumstances A and B are easy to "manipulate" to push the conversation in a more positive motion. When I say manipulate, what I actually do is listen to the person - listen to their stories then find positives within the story. For example, I was recently conversing with a friend of my wifes when she mentioned that their house project was taking a bit longer than expected. As I was listening, I found out that this house was actually a miracle. They had gotten the house off a tax claim list - purchasing the house for only $1,000. With help from their friends, they have been able to make adjustments, renovations to heating/plumbing, new exterior and interior walls, new carpeting - the works really - for virutally nothing.

As she was complaining about her disgust with how long it was taking, I simply shifted the conversation to discuss the positives. I would dig deeper with probing questions like - "wow, so you are getting a house for what? $1,000? You do realize that most people have a 20 year mortgage, right? This is a two story house? You realize the market is like $50-60,000 for those type of houses, right?"

I shift the conversations so they see the bright side of their circumstances - what folks do with that from there is upto them.

The Listen and Respond Method is the best key to steering a conversation to assist others that are stuck in negativity. An old rule is 80/20 - 80 percent listening, and 20 percent speaking. That 20 percent can be used to ask these types of questions sending the conversation in a more positive direction - one of action and encouragement. Thats what it all boils down to - and that is usually what someone wants. Someone that understands, has compassion, and maybe an answer. If you help them answer their own questions, the outcome is far more beneficial to you and to the person your having a conversation with.